Another Visit

The last week has been spent with family visiting from Australia.  We have been to Akaroa rocking on boats, Hanmer Springs wallowing in hot rock pools, and the Antarctica Centre watching penguins and riding in military style buggies! It has been a wonderful week and we were sad to see our our brother and sister and law, niece and nephew leave.

I have had gastroenteritis for 5 days so this afternoon am having a rest and cleaning the house while Sergeant is testing two new co-operative games at our friends house with the children.  

I am very fortunate to have made a few close friends in Christchurch who share similar conclusions in parenting and education, one of which was a nanny previously.  Whilst I have yet to find any research which states that mass childcare is beneficial to the development of a child in terms of social or emotional well-being, I have seen much evidence that if a child is bonded with alternative caregivers the experience can be positive so employment is restrained by the hours my friend can offer as a nanny and what flexibility the role offers.

While I love the theory of democratic schooling, if under-resourced both in terms of the input of fellow parents and in terms of support and actual resources, I prefer whole-life learning as a more holistic and nurturing education.  Subsequently I have been asked frequently if I would consider Sonic going to a “normal” school. I do not accept the social norm – children are natural learners and mainstream school does not work for millions of children, (certainly not my son) and learner centred education does; so I would rather support alternative means of education – let’s support a revolution!

 

 

NZ Lingo and Reveries

Last night we had the fortune to be able to speak to granny S on Skype.  We cannot use videos as the internet connection is so bad… but we could talk and share links.  We were able to see where she will be living and it is a dream house!  5 acres of land, overlooking countryside and hills/mountains, a nice house with fireplaces and character. 

I know how fortunate I am in life, so I know I need to separate from desire because it brings suffering, but I did enjoy relishing in it for a while. Images of chickens, rabbits, and frolicking in meadows came to mind.

I wanted to share some NZ lingo. My favourite so far is yeah nah nah, which means yes I hear you, but no, the response is no.  I also have come to like their ending most sentences in “aey” and it is so addictive I have started myself.  “Good as gold” is another saying, but I am not so enamored with that one, not been able to use it yet.

I am truly blessed to have met so many wonderful people, and especially those that through the hardest (so far) moments in life have seen past my neuroses and loved me for who I am – missing you.

Visitors and Beautiful Places

We are very excited this morning, as the news we have a visitor coming sinks in. Our shipment has now arrived so this has given us the impetus to sort through what felt like an almighty task.  The bed in the playroom is almost ready for our children’s granny S…

Yesterday we went to Akaroa, and it was one of the most beautiful places I have been too, just stunning.

  Borrowed from Blackcat cruises.co.nz

 

“Akaroa is a village on Banks Peninsula in the Canterbury region of the South Island of New Zealand, situated within a harbour of the same name. The name Akaroa is Kāi Tahu Māori for ‘Long Harbour’.”

 

We had a picnic on the beach and perused the shops, it was a long drive (1 hr 20 minutes each way) but it was worth it. The drive up and around the mountain was actually quite scary, and I was quite anxious about all the bends and drops. One exciting highlight was to see an eagle picking at roadkill.

Unfortunately my dream of researching psychology/neuroscience formally has had to be put on hold due to a few constraints, but today I remind myself that things come to us when we are ready for them.  Instead today I am starting a free online course in introductory psychology, and next week another free course in Riccarton on gnosis psychology and meditation on Saturday mornings. Couldn’t get better than that really. I have also started running again, three times this week thanks to my dad’s inspiration.

Sergeant has  had a good appraisal at work, but has decided to improve his skills in writing with a creative writing course. He’s joined one 10 minutes walk from his work on a Tuesday evening, so can can have dinner out before going, make an evening of it.

Free online course link FYI:

https://www.coursera.org/courses?orderby=upcoming&stats=upcoming

Signing off as need to brave the stormy wind and take Sonic to school and girls to playcentre… think will take the car.

x

Beach bums and amazing parks

Yesterday I had a wonderful uplifting day. We got the bus (easily) to  a park called Hagley Park. When we got off the bus, the bus driver got off before me and carried my pram and opened it for me, and said be careful when you cross the road when you come back.

The sun was baking hot, and so we were glad when we got to the playground that there were sprinklers with children running underneath and two free swimming pools to paddle in! It is still the school holidays and there was a free show for children in the park, so there were families everywhere. We met up with a lady and her 6-year-old twins.  Hopefully, we will meet soon in more comfortable circumstances as we seem to have a lot in common.  They own a farm and yoga studio, and I felt echo my aspirations for The Good Life dream!

I like not having a car, it encourages us to walk more. And honestly I feel that we need to be the change we want to see – and I believe environmentally, that means making sacrifices… BUT it is so challenging sometimes. And I really don’t want to be as isolated as I have been before.  We are considering saving up for or getting a small loan to buy a cheap car to use for emergencies and weekend camping trips.

Had a bloody awful day today.  Had nightmares for most of last night and woke up moody – not only because Movecorp have turned out to be very unprofessional and untruthful, after 8 weeks of thinking our shipment was on its way – turns out not left the UK.  Shame. I guess we cannot let the based things in life keep us down!

x x x

Rental housing and mediocre first impressions

On Friday our family was invited to DHs work drinks.   It was such a lovely day and I knew I was meant to be making a good first impression and mingling, but to be honest I was feeling very subdued. I did make a bit of chit-chat but I was completely overwhelmed with contentment. Being able to sit outside with a group of adults, in an environment that is suitable for children to run around, with a glass of white wine spritzer in hand, with a wonderful view and joyful friendly people around me isn’t an everyday experience.

Today we went to the Whole Life Learners group – it makes my week to meet people like this and the children are happy when we are there.  They sat in the sand digging with spoons, and Sonic Blue and his friends made a big assault course over the wooden benches using planks and old tyres.  It is truely wonderful to see what skills they use when just left alone to learn – team working, problem solving, architecture (ish?). Amazing! I can see it in myself too, if someone trys to tell me how to learn something I turn off, it discourages my creativity – whereas now I have the confidence to try and learn things off my own back, I love learning. And I know when it is time to get advice or support from someone more knowledgeable than me, when and only because I want to.   Talking of intrinsic motivation to learn, got to wait till April for our shipment so really missing my sewing machine…

On the walk to the bus we happened to look up a street to see some boxes of books out. We went to have a look and a woman came out of her driveway and said to me take it all! In NZ they seem to leave gifts out to share unwanted items, I love it! We manged to get some amazing books and toys to bring home, and the children were all very happy to play when they got home with their cars, dolls, and activity packs.

We are in the process of filling up the house. I have managed to find some good websites for buying items second-hand and there are also a few 2 dollar stores here filled with items for re-use. Seems so much better to encourage people to reuse and recycle with financial incentive, rather than encouraging a materialistic society by producing clothes and items cheaply through slave labour or environmentally damaging processes. Although I must say, sometimes I just want a something new that is cheap too.

We have a rental house now, it is light and airy with three bedrooms. The garden is a reasonable size but all concrete and poor soil, so my self-sufficiency dream will have to be put on hold a while longer. I have been reading a page called grow food, not lawns and had some great inspiration for how to grow things in old chests and such like.

First Times

Yesterday was DHs first day at his new work, and a first day for me being with the children without support for 7 weeks – back to real life.

I got busy for when DH got home, buying a cake and making his favourite meal – he came home stuffed! They brought in something like 12 pizzas for lunch, so my food is unwanted.  His work seems to be a very nurturing environment, with group lunches every Monday and early finishes on Friday for beers!

I got the bus for the first time in Christchurch, and it was terrible actually. Not so much the being on the bus but the walking in the rain.  The bus drivers were kind, and one actually heroic.  He saw us waiting in the rain and lifted our double pushchair onto the bus when it wouldn’t fit.  He took us to the passenger lounge at the metro station, so we could wait for the bus in the warmth 😉

The thing is that the girl with the curly hair is I guess still unsettled, and wanting to exert herself in any way she can, and thus I am having trouble getting from one place to another without her getting upset about not being able to walk on the road, or be cuddled by mummy in arms (slings – now – will not do apparently). I would love to be able to snuggle her all the way, but I have a big pushchair – that doesn’t even fit on buses – and it certainly doesn’t steer and push itself either. Great.  On the way back we got turned off two buses. Then I realise we have a puncture.  Next time – I am taking the single pushchair and a sling.

The group we went to today is absolutely lovely. It is a whole life learners group – and the women are all warm, friendly and supportive. They meet once or twice a week, so I am lucky to have found such a great group of people so quickly.

The bitch box and other stories

The Outskirts of Christchurch

It is clear that the earthquakes have devastated areas of Christchurch and there are few people untouched by the events. However there is so much human spirit – and an eery beauty in the devastation.  These people have experienced so much loss, not only losing the surroundings that they know but some their loved ones too. I don’t know – I hope I won’t – ever know that sadness and loss.  We were driving through the outskirts and I saw this wall, and I thought it was so full of hope that I am sharing it here. It was a wall with the word repeated – before I die I want to….. and people wrote their response..

The Bitch Box and the Wildlife Park

We spent an afternoon at Willowbank Wildlife Park. We are able in the future to get the bus there, so ended up getting a year membership for a very reasonable price.  The park was set up in the 80s by a man whose childhood dream was to have an animal park. Over the years he and his wife have built it up to a good size.  All the animals are extremely well looked after and the setting is very homely and close to nature.

This is a bitch box – apparently they were used when a bitch went into season. She was placed into the box to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I can think of better forms of contraception…

Travels over the Mountain

We drove through Dyers Pass up the mountain and down to the bays on the others side. We stopped in Lyttleton for food. I went into a Himalayan clothing shop and the woman who ran it was so friendly, she seemed to know everyone that came in and chatted with me giving me the coffee she’d just bought for a perk up because she couldn’t stand it, uck she said. Good for me!  Then we went onto the beach.  Corsair bay is a delight.  Before you go down the slope to the beach there is this playground, see if you can spot the girl with the curly hair and straight hair?  The picture to the right is the bay which we swam in. I honestly, usually have panic attacks when swimming in natural water but I managed to swim out alone. It was so beautiful I quite forgot my usual fears and was just enjoying being there.  Ahead in the middle, you can see the former leper colony Quail Island.

Lyttleton harbour had me thinking of the song I learnt at school – little houses on the hillside. 

A Last Note…

We have been very fortunate so far to have had some playdates for Sonic Blue in the last few days and he has enjoyed meeting some new friends, although struggling a bit with it too.  We have a few appointments this week to see houses, so hopefully one of them will be suitable and gained. With love x x x

The Thai family and the mistaken crocodile

OLD POST written in Thailand but unpublished until today:

I have seen few children in Thailand, but when I have they’ve usually been with their mother. Eating on their mother’s knee, playing at their mother or father’s place of work – and I love this! Why it is so strong in our Western culture to separate from your child as soon as possible in order to maintain a role in the economy which is nothing but a false perception of value.  At a restaurant we went to there was a cot, bouncer, and toys at the back.  The mother sat with her baby as her mum and husband worked. It seemed such a different attitude to the enforced isolation I have felt; it is no wonder that this wonderful joy of parenting just doesn’t translate as it should or could – I feel we are almost punished in Western society for having children because the role is not valued.

Today one of the staff at Kids’ World said to me that Thai children sleep from 2-4pm and then eat at 4pm and go to bed at 8pm – I am guessing this is a generalisation! She is kind of sweet, so I only jest – but it did make me wonder when people say children should be sleeping at this time, I wonder how do they do it? Is there an off switch I don’t know about?

I think about Gina Ford and her sleep training methods, and I know that if she met the Girl with the curly hair it would result in her having a nervous breakdown.

This is the girl who knows her mind and however infuriating it can sometimes be, I love and accept her for who she is.  This is a girl who has no fear, who waits out her opportunity and runs for it in order to ride down the 20foot tall water slide, head first, alone… This is a girl who when she seems tired and I try to settle her, fights it tooth and nail – often I would be walking, rocking, nursing, soothing for two hours at a time, fighting the reality that she won’t sleep. She just loves the world, and doesn’t want to miss anything.

I asked someone who has been living in Bangkok for 3 years about the differences in general between UK and Thai parenting.  They said that Thai people are generally very family orientated, and there is a real sense of the whole family helping to raise the children. It is quite acceptable for people depending on their work to take their children with them.  People are more positive towards children and friendly.  Nurseries are not as commonly used in Thailand either.  Children are treated a bit like glass – if you rough and tumble with your children you might get looks of horror! Thai families seem to want to keep their children babies much longer than we would in the west on a whole. It’s not unusual for children to sleep in the same room as the parents until they’re about 10 years old. That said, I’ve noticed that high school children are much nicer and younger emotionally than in the West. 

I also met an NZ family who basically said that frequently expats’ children are looked after by nannies – and in her own words said that the other NZ family on holiday were letting NZ down as they had two children – two nannies – on holiday with them!  She said that while she had to work, as soon as she was home that was family time.  It was interesting how many families we saw whose children were looked after by nannies.  I personally would if I could afford it, have a nanny to support me so I could spend more quality time with the children, rather than as a replacement for me.

Tonight we saw  huge locust – it must have been about 10cm long.  The girl with straight hair went to pick it up, I can only guess she thought it was a toy. On realising it was alive and jumping, her eyes widened and she began to cry as she nestled into my shoulder. She calmed after a reassuring cuddle and we went searching for geckos.

We also saw what we thought was a crocodile slinking through the water, only to be told it is a kind of water monitor lizard:

 

Views of the Local Night Market

We went to the night market in Cha Am on Wednesday, this market is on twice a week and is a very different atmosphere to the nightly market in Hua Hin.  The high energies of the market are still present, but it feels pushier and the flow quicker.  In our naivety we brought our pushchair along – even though we nearly always end up using it as a trolley, we still persist.

Each of us carried a toddler on our hip and tried to push through the crowd.  I was not as assertive as I could be, and limply held the pushchair in front, standing motionless as people pushed past from the front and the back, eyeing me up curiously.  In the end I got so sweaty and hot, my foul tempet seeped upwards and I fought my way to the front of the food stalls.  We see beautifully colourful sushi with different colour toppings and I ask what it is – fish eggs he tells me and goes to put it in my box, no no I say and the staff laugh at me.

Here at the local markets there are many people in need of money; you see a different side of Thailand from the glamour of the touristy areas. The effects of the poverty and the lack of a welfare system.  My heart breaks when I see a lady nursing a newborn baby sat cross-legged in the path with a mug filed with a few coins.  I go over to her and give her some money, she doesn’t even blink. I keep thinking about her, and I don’t know if or how I could have helped her in that moment.  I am sure I could have done more but the shock of the moment overtook my rational thinking.

What we don’t always see is the effects of the lack of a welfare system, perhaps a corrupt Government. We hear tales of the Thai mafia taking the profits from shops in Thailand.  And  I knew from the last time I was here not to buy the CDs or DVDs because the funds from them supports child prostitution, slavery and the sex trade.   http://www.worldvision.or.th/home_eng.html

I see an older man on a moped, his eyebrows grey and droopy over bright blue eyes. He is sat on the moped as it slants to one side.  Next to him is a Thai woman who looks at him intensely and his eyes return to hers.   I found the desperation in his eyes haunting.  It was as if in that moment I captured the imprint of their stories, echoes of their path resonating with sadness.

Looks like orbs in the photos! My sister requested night photos but we have a very basic camera and the settings do not allow for great pictures at night time so I did what I could.

Cakes for sale and fish.

Kittens for sale and stalls with nice streaky lights.

We have just said our farewells to a family we befriended.  Our sons ran and hugged eachother as they left.

We are travelling up to Bangkok tomorrow so will not be able to post until we are setlled in Christchurch.  Please pray for us as we travel.  The journey in the taxi down here was frightful.  The taximan drove like he was in a  video game, weaving bewteen cars as the engine revved.  I bit off most of my nails – not something I normally do.   We will be enjoying a few days exploring Bangkok, and then will have two weeks to explore christchurch before DH starts work and we can then visit the democratic schools, whole life learning meet-ups, sling meets, mum and child surfing body-boarding group and lots more.  Just on a side note for anyone remotely interested, I am reading kiss me by Carlos Gonzales and it is a wonderful, evidence-based interesting read. Love it! Next buy Gabour Mate hold on to your children.

Wishing you all peace and love, and a very joyful Christmas.

x

Thai Food and the Art of Bartering

The rest of my family are sat in bed with some popcorn. I am downloading pictures and while I am here, am going to write a little about Thai food, or at least our experience of it so far.

I’ll start with the boy who today would like to be known as Sonic Orange.  The hotel has decorated the lobby with a tree and a gingerbread house – we found him eating it so hope it isn’t too old:

Here in between Cha Am and Hua Hin, the cost of meals in restaurants is as expensive as in the UK.  We have also noticed that there are different menus for local people and tourists, the latter being expected to pay a premium.  As a result we have been trying to find cheaper ways to eat, buying bits from shops and going to the night market where we pay local prices plus tips.  Here at the hotel, children eat free – so normally DH takes them to eat in the morning and I hover around.

The sun rising this morning.

I do not understand why Thai people have so much so-called European food on their menus.  I say so-called as it to me is fast food – chicken nuggets, fries, fish fingers – which I think originated from America (Cornell University invented nuggets).   Surely people come to Thailand wanting to experience Thailand in its entirety – food and all?

Most dishes include seafood or meat, mostly pork. This surprised me as 95% of the Thailand population is Buddhist and in my naivety I thought that meant they were mostly vegetarian. This turns out to not be the case with their being different schools of thought as to whether meat is prohibited.

On one night that we went to the night market, we found a Vegetarian food stall tucked away.  A family of five ate for the equivalent of £3 (149baht) we left a tip and warm comments about the food, with DH signing hmm-nice-tummy-full.  We had a clear soup with a few veggies floating in it, a brown rice with slices of veggie sausages and four gelatinous packets filled with a variety of flavours I could not identify, apart from seaweed.

The night market

Again last night we all ate for around 200baht (£4) and I had the hottest curry I have had in a while! I was almost defeated by it, but I did not give in and sat there sweating, red and gulping water down.

At the market we sauntered through and after 10 minutes of bartering, which wasn’t actually bartering but was me saying ooh they are gorgeous, and then with the girls spilling drinks down themselves and me attending to them. The market owner obviously thought this was some sort of purposeful nonchalance, and kept offering lower and lower prices. So we bought two silk kimonos for the girls.   DH selected me a hat, I refused to use a mirror so I had to trust his judgement completely!

Sonic Orange had grilled corn on the cob, followed a taste of a packet of what I can only identify as glass noddle with syrup and coconut:

Tonight there is a huge party so we sat outside our hotel probably getting chewed by the mosquitos.  Not sure when I’ll be able to sleep tonight, it is very loud.

I had to post this picture, on our walk back there was another party in a restaurant and they have set up tables on the road, hopefully you can see behind the motorbikes, really tickled me: