Another Visit

The last week has been spent with family visiting from Australia.  We have been to Akaroa rocking on boats, Hanmer Springs wallowing in hot rock pools, and the Antarctica Centre watching penguins and riding in military style buggies! It has been a wonderful week and we were sad to see our our brother and sister and law, niece and nephew leave.

I have had gastroenteritis for 5 days so this afternoon am having a rest and cleaning the house while Sergeant is testing two new co-operative games at our friends house with the children.  

I am very fortunate to have made a few close friends in Christchurch who share similar conclusions in parenting and education, one of which was a nanny previously.  Whilst I have yet to find any research which states that mass childcare is beneficial to the development of a child in terms of social or emotional well-being, I have seen much evidence that if a child is bonded with alternative caregivers the experience can be positive so employment is restrained by the hours my friend can offer as a nanny and what flexibility the role offers.

While I love the theory of democratic schooling, if under-resourced both in terms of the input of fellow parents and in terms of support and actual resources, I prefer whole-life learning as a more holistic and nurturing education.  Subsequently I have been asked frequently if I would consider Sonic going to a “normal” school. I do not accept the social norm – children are natural learners and mainstream school does not work for millions of children, (certainly not my son) and learner centred education does; so I would rather support alternative means of education – let’s support a revolution!

 

 

Rental housing and mediocre first impressions

On Friday our family was invited to DHs work drinks.   It was such a lovely day and I knew I was meant to be making a good first impression and mingling, but to be honest I was feeling very subdued. I did make a bit of chit-chat but I was completely overwhelmed with contentment. Being able to sit outside with a group of adults, in an environment that is suitable for children to run around, with a glass of white wine spritzer in hand, with a wonderful view and joyful friendly people around me isn’t an everyday experience.

Today we went to the Whole Life Learners group – it makes my week to meet people like this and the children are happy when we are there.  They sat in the sand digging with spoons, and Sonic Blue and his friends made a big assault course over the wooden benches using planks and old tyres.  It is truely wonderful to see what skills they use when just left alone to learn – team working, problem solving, architecture (ish?). Amazing! I can see it in myself too, if someone trys to tell me how to learn something I turn off, it discourages my creativity – whereas now I have the confidence to try and learn things off my own back, I love learning. And I know when it is time to get advice or support from someone more knowledgeable than me, when and only because I want to.   Talking of intrinsic motivation to learn, got to wait till April for our shipment so really missing my sewing machine…

On the walk to the bus we happened to look up a street to see some boxes of books out. We went to have a look and a woman came out of her driveway and said to me take it all! In NZ they seem to leave gifts out to share unwanted items, I love it! We manged to get some amazing books and toys to bring home, and the children were all very happy to play when they got home with their cars, dolls, and activity packs.

We are in the process of filling up the house. I have managed to find some good websites for buying items second-hand and there are also a few 2 dollar stores here filled with items for re-use. Seems so much better to encourage people to reuse and recycle with financial incentive, rather than encouraging a materialistic society by producing clothes and items cheaply through slave labour or environmentally damaging processes. Although I must say, sometimes I just want a something new that is cheap too.

We have a rental house now, it is light and airy with three bedrooms. The garden is a reasonable size but all concrete and poor soil, so my self-sufficiency dream will have to be put on hold a while longer. I have been reading a page called grow food, not lawns and had some great inspiration for how to grow things in old chests and such like.

The bitch box and other stories

The Outskirts of Christchurch

It is clear that the earthquakes have devastated areas of Christchurch and there are few people untouched by the events. However there is so much human spirit – and an eery beauty in the devastation.  These people have experienced so much loss, not only losing the surroundings that they know but some their loved ones too. I don’t know – I hope I won’t – ever know that sadness and loss.  We were driving through the outskirts and I saw this wall, and I thought it was so full of hope that I am sharing it here. It was a wall with the word repeated – before I die I want to….. and people wrote their response..

The Bitch Box and the Wildlife Park

We spent an afternoon at Willowbank Wildlife Park. We are able in the future to get the bus there, so ended up getting a year membership for a very reasonable price.  The park was set up in the 80s by a man whose childhood dream was to have an animal park. Over the years he and his wife have built it up to a good size.  All the animals are extremely well looked after and the setting is very homely and close to nature.

This is a bitch box – apparently they were used when a bitch went into season. She was placed into the box to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I can think of better forms of contraception…

Travels over the Mountain

We drove through Dyers Pass up the mountain and down to the bays on the others side. We stopped in Lyttleton for food. I went into a Himalayan clothing shop and the woman who ran it was so friendly, she seemed to know everyone that came in and chatted with me giving me the coffee she’d just bought for a perk up because she couldn’t stand it, uck she said. Good for me!  Then we went onto the beach.  Corsair bay is a delight.  Before you go down the slope to the beach there is this playground, see if you can spot the girl with the curly hair and straight hair?  The picture to the right is the bay which we swam in. I honestly, usually have panic attacks when swimming in natural water but I managed to swim out alone. It was so beautiful I quite forgot my usual fears and was just enjoying being there.  Ahead in the middle, you can see the former leper colony Quail Island.

Lyttleton harbour had me thinking of the song I learnt at school – little houses on the hillside. 

A Last Note…

We have been very fortunate so far to have had some playdates for Sonic Blue in the last few days and he has enjoyed meeting some new friends, although struggling a bit with it too.  We have a few appointments this week to see houses, so hopefully one of them will be suitable and gained. With love x x x

The Thai family and the mistaken crocodile

OLD POST written in Thailand but unpublished until today:

I have seen few children in Thailand, but when I have they’ve usually been with their mother. Eating on their mother’s knee, playing at their mother or father’s place of work – and I love this! Why it is so strong in our Western culture to separate from your child as soon as possible in order to maintain a role in the economy which is nothing but a false perception of value.  At a restaurant we went to there was a cot, bouncer, and toys at the back.  The mother sat with her baby as her mum and husband worked. It seemed such a different attitude to the enforced isolation I have felt; it is no wonder that this wonderful joy of parenting just doesn’t translate as it should or could – I feel we are almost punished in Western society for having children because the role is not valued.

Today one of the staff at Kids’ World said to me that Thai children sleep from 2-4pm and then eat at 4pm and go to bed at 8pm – I am guessing this is a generalisation! She is kind of sweet, so I only jest – but it did make me wonder when people say children should be sleeping at this time, I wonder how do they do it? Is there an off switch I don’t know about?

I think about Gina Ford and her sleep training methods, and I know that if she met the Girl with the curly hair it would result in her having a nervous breakdown.

This is the girl who knows her mind and however infuriating it can sometimes be, I love and accept her for who she is.  This is a girl who has no fear, who waits out her opportunity and runs for it in order to ride down the 20foot tall water slide, head first, alone… This is a girl who when she seems tired and I try to settle her, fights it tooth and nail – often I would be walking, rocking, nursing, soothing for two hours at a time, fighting the reality that she won’t sleep. She just loves the world, and doesn’t want to miss anything.

I asked someone who has been living in Bangkok for 3 years about the differences in general between UK and Thai parenting.  They said that Thai people are generally very family orientated, and there is a real sense of the whole family helping to raise the children. It is quite acceptable for people depending on their work to take their children with them.  People are more positive towards children and friendly.  Nurseries are not as commonly used in Thailand either.  Children are treated a bit like glass – if you rough and tumble with your children you might get looks of horror! Thai families seem to want to keep their children babies much longer than we would in the west on a whole. It’s not unusual for children to sleep in the same room as the parents until they’re about 10 years old. That said, I’ve noticed that high school children are much nicer and younger emotionally than in the West. 

I also met an NZ family who basically said that frequently expats’ children are looked after by nannies – and in her own words said that the other NZ family on holiday were letting NZ down as they had two children – two nannies – on holiday with them!  She said that while she had to work, as soon as she was home that was family time.  It was interesting how many families we saw whose children were looked after by nannies.  I personally would if I could afford it, have a nanny to support me so I could spend more quality time with the children, rather than as a replacement for me.

Tonight we saw  huge locust – it must have been about 10cm long.  The girl with straight hair went to pick it up, I can only guess she thought it was a toy. On realising it was alive and jumping, her eyes widened and she began to cry as she nestled into my shoulder. She calmed after a reassuring cuddle and we went searching for geckos.

We also saw what we thought was a crocodile slinking through the water, only to be told it is a kind of water monitor lizard:

 

Views of the Local Night Market

We went to the night market in Cha Am on Wednesday, this market is on twice a week and is a very different atmosphere to the nightly market in Hua Hin.  The high energies of the market are still present, but it feels pushier and the flow quicker.  In our naivety we brought our pushchair along – even though we nearly always end up using it as a trolley, we still persist.

Each of us carried a toddler on our hip and tried to push through the crowd.  I was not as assertive as I could be, and limply held the pushchair in front, standing motionless as people pushed past from the front and the back, eyeing me up curiously.  In the end I got so sweaty and hot, my foul tempet seeped upwards and I fought my way to the front of the food stalls.  We see beautifully colourful sushi with different colour toppings and I ask what it is – fish eggs he tells me and goes to put it in my box, no no I say and the staff laugh at me.

Here at the local markets there are many people in need of money; you see a different side of Thailand from the glamour of the touristy areas. The effects of the poverty and the lack of a welfare system.  My heart breaks when I see a lady nursing a newborn baby sat cross-legged in the path with a mug filed with a few coins.  I go over to her and give her some money, she doesn’t even blink. I keep thinking about her, and I don’t know if or how I could have helped her in that moment.  I am sure I could have done more but the shock of the moment overtook my rational thinking.

What we don’t always see is the effects of the lack of a welfare system, perhaps a corrupt Government. We hear tales of the Thai mafia taking the profits from shops in Thailand.  And  I knew from the last time I was here not to buy the CDs or DVDs because the funds from them supports child prostitution, slavery and the sex trade.   http://www.worldvision.or.th/home_eng.html

I see an older man on a moped, his eyebrows grey and droopy over bright blue eyes. He is sat on the moped as it slants to one side.  Next to him is a Thai woman who looks at him intensely and his eyes return to hers.   I found the desperation in his eyes haunting.  It was as if in that moment I captured the imprint of their stories, echoes of their path resonating with sadness.

Looks like orbs in the photos! My sister requested night photos but we have a very basic camera and the settings do not allow for great pictures at night time so I did what I could.

Cakes for sale and fish.

Kittens for sale and stalls with nice streaky lights.

We have just said our farewells to a family we befriended.  Our sons ran and hugged eachother as they left.

We are travelling up to Bangkok tomorrow so will not be able to post until we are setlled in Christchurch.  Please pray for us as we travel.  The journey in the taxi down here was frightful.  The taximan drove like he was in a  video game, weaving bewteen cars as the engine revved.  I bit off most of my nails – not something I normally do.   We will be enjoying a few days exploring Bangkok, and then will have two weeks to explore christchurch before DH starts work and we can then visit the democratic schools, whole life learning meet-ups, sling meets, mum and child surfing body-boarding group and lots more.  Just on a side note for anyone remotely interested, I am reading kiss me by Carlos Gonzales and it is a wonderful, evidence-based interesting read. Love it! Next buy Gabour Mate hold on to your children.

Wishing you all peace and love, and a very joyful Christmas.

x

Thai Food and the Art of Bartering

The rest of my family are sat in bed with some popcorn. I am downloading pictures and while I am here, am going to write a little about Thai food, or at least our experience of it so far.

I’ll start with the boy who today would like to be known as Sonic Orange.  The hotel has decorated the lobby with a tree and a gingerbread house – we found him eating it so hope it isn’t too old:

Here in between Cha Am and Hua Hin, the cost of meals in restaurants is as expensive as in the UK.  We have also noticed that there are different menus for local people and tourists, the latter being expected to pay a premium.  As a result we have been trying to find cheaper ways to eat, buying bits from shops and going to the night market where we pay local prices plus tips.  Here at the hotel, children eat free – so normally DH takes them to eat in the morning and I hover around.

The sun rising this morning.

I do not understand why Thai people have so much so-called European food on their menus.  I say so-called as it to me is fast food – chicken nuggets, fries, fish fingers – which I think originated from America (Cornell University invented nuggets).   Surely people come to Thailand wanting to experience Thailand in its entirety – food and all?

Most dishes include seafood or meat, mostly pork. This surprised me as 95% of the Thailand population is Buddhist and in my naivety I thought that meant they were mostly vegetarian. This turns out to not be the case with their being different schools of thought as to whether meat is prohibited.

On one night that we went to the night market, we found a Vegetarian food stall tucked away.  A family of five ate for the equivalent of £3 (149baht) we left a tip and warm comments about the food, with DH signing hmm-nice-tummy-full.  We had a clear soup with a few veggies floating in it, a brown rice with slices of veggie sausages and four gelatinous packets filled with a variety of flavours I could not identify, apart from seaweed.

The night market

Again last night we all ate for around 200baht (£4) and I had the hottest curry I have had in a while! I was almost defeated by it, but I did not give in and sat there sweating, red and gulping water down.

At the market we sauntered through and after 10 minutes of bartering, which wasn’t actually bartering but was me saying ooh they are gorgeous, and then with the girls spilling drinks down themselves and me attending to them. The market owner obviously thought this was some sort of purposeful nonchalance, and kept offering lower and lower prices. So we bought two silk kimonos for the girls.   DH selected me a hat, I refused to use a mirror so I had to trust his judgement completely!

Sonic Orange had grilled corn on the cob, followed a taste of a packet of what I can only identify as glass noddle with syrup and coconut:

Tonight there is a huge party so we sat outside our hotel probably getting chewed by the mosquitos.  Not sure when I’ll be able to sleep tonight, it is very loud.

I had to post this picture, on our walk back there was another party in a restaurant and they have set up tables on the road, hopefully you can see behind the motorbikes, really tickled me:

The crab, the gecko and the elephants

The Crab

 Murky sea water lashes around my feet and I catch a glimpse of something unsual, bending down I see a crab and I call out.  I jump onto sand trying to get the little blue bucket before the sea carries the crab away, as I turn DH has picked up the crab in his fingers and I wonder if he knows what I know about our discovery.  He panics and drops it into the bucket and I ask him;

 

“Did it hurt you?”

“Its pincers were moving towards me…” he says brushing his hands on his shorts,

“It’s dead darling. It’s dead”.

“Ah”.

 

The boy who today calls himself Watermelon Scraper takes the crab and starts to study it. After a while I ask him what he has figured out about the crab, he tells me he knows where it mouth is, talks about its pincers and how the crab uses them to eat. He traces a line from the mouth from where he thinks it is digested.  The crab is taken to the wall, where he beats it and throws it into submission, its contents revealed. He lays the limbs out with the body after the dissection, satisfied with his findings.

 

The Gecko

 Geckos are ubiquitous here. They typically vary in size from 4-10cm and have fine hairs on their hands and feet that are able to pick up the most minor of irregularities in surfaces, and are therefore able to walk on glass.  Here is a gecko on our hammock:

 

The Elephants

 

We decided to go on a trip to see the elephants and the crocodiles/cobra show. I felt a lot of trepidation about it, because normally I do not like to see animals in captivity, particularly if they are not treated well but here in Thailand there are places which conserve animals and places which profit from them. Unfortunately we chose a place of the later. We took a taxi to the Hua Hin safari park and arrived 5 minutes before the show was due to start. The children were all very excited, especially after seeing the parrot and monkey when we walked inside.  The price was extortionate – the equivalent of £80 british pounds (4,400 baht)! I don’t think we have ever spent as much on a morning out, and I hope we never again do). I would not have minded spending so much if the animals and staff were all cared for to a high level, but I regret I think this is not the case.

We rushed through to the show but before we went into the show, a man tried to force me to sit (WITHOUT TROUSERS!!! I was wearing a knee length dress) on the baby elephants back. He was very insistent and was trying to push me onto the elephant and I kept repeating no no no – I did not want to sit on the elephant with my little girl.  After a few minutes he eventually left me alone, but as I turned I saw that our 6 yo had been made to sit on the elephant, I choked back tears as I saw him being carried off crying himself on the elephants back. I felt helpless as I was holding one of our toddlers, DH was made to sit on one with a toddler and he said he was struggling to hold on himself with her – I was caught between trying to help him and help our son. I got our son off, and he said he was okay – and then I turn around and the keepers are forcefully trying to get tips! I was quite annoyed after how much it cost to come in, after all that is 2-3 days budget for a family of five.  My husband gave them 100 baht (£2) and then they tried to get him to give more money to the other elephant via its trunk, he said no. Now I realise that the reason they were so forceful is because they think it would get them more tips, like our dignity and choice is second place to profit – now I can empathise with the elephants.

 

I felt uncomfortable throughout the show – seeing these magnificent, majestic beings made to do all sorts of ridiculous stunts, it just demeaned them somehow.

The elephants rode bikes, burst balloons, painted pictures, played football, gave massages and danced and in between the crowd fed the elephants (100baht a bunch of bananas that usually costs a fifth of the price).  At the end the elephants came around to the front of the seating area with baskets in their mouth with the keepers asking for tips.  After spending 200baht on bananas we regret that we did not tip, I could see the frustration on the keepers face – and if we had been charged a fair price for entry and bananas, then I would very happily have tipped all the staff but we just don’t have that kind of financial freedom.

We then went on to the crocodile and cobra show, and watched the snake trainer as the spitting cobras hissed and spat venom at him – quite uncomfortable viewing. He would wipe the venom off his face in between tormenting the snakes – bearing in mind this would make him blind if it entered his eye. He also showed the crowd a copper head razor and some other large and quick snakes I do not know the name of. At the end one of the snakes bit his lips as he put it into his mouth, his lip bled during the last part of his act.  Again we were asked to give more tips.

 

Two men came out for the crocodile show – they somehow hypnotised the crocodiles to keep their mouths open as they inserted their hands and heads inside. After they had finished we were asked again to give more money, we again shamefully declined.  We asked the show speaker if they had ever been bitten and she said yes of course, these were wild animals. I knew she was telling the truth as I could see the scars on the man’s arm while he performed. One had even had their head trapped I think – they only way to get them to open their mouth again is to tempt them with “real” food.

 

Finally, we went on the elephant ride. I felt sad about this but it was basically next to free as included in the package and I have never tried it before.  I’ll be honest – I found it quite scary! We were quite high up and I was trying to ensure my children were safe.  The guides told us that they came from northern Thailand and had ridden elephants since childhood.  Near the end, my elephant guide turned to me with a box of jewellery, he seemed uncomfortable but tried to sell me some, I have no money, I don’t carry it and I told him so as he slowly put the box away. I looked ahead and saw that all the guides were trying to sell their passengers jewellery – it was part of the experience.  After 25 minutes we crawled off the elephants, I had found it quite uncomfortable and was glad to have my feet on solid ground, but at least the children were happy. We washed up and started our journey back to Cha Am.

 As we were leaving, the boy in our life who today would like to be refered to as Watermelon Scraper said that he would rather that they were trapped any other way than being chained by their feet – which is how they all stood whilst not being used. I would  have prefered just to see them wondering in a more natural environment, doing nothing anything than happily being elephants. That is after all what a safari should be?

I reflected in the car that all the tips and the jewellery selling must be a commission for the staff, and that made me feel sad. I cannot be sure, but I hope that they are all treated fairly. I do what I can in life but also have to consider the financial safety of my own family, and this trip was frivolous enough.

Healthcare in Thailand

Last night we had the unfortunate opportunity to experience Thai healthcare in Hua Hin.  We had come upon a wonderful  restaurant on the beach, and after having not eaten since breakfast we were keen to eat. The restaurant had tables lined up along the beach front, but they were all booked by the Bangkok regulars so we were given a table next to the aquariums.  The aquariums were huge, empty but for the murky water and a single large fish in each.  The fish loomed past us; eyeing us hopefully, knowing that they were the condemned but could see the spec of hope that might remain for their salvation.

DH was agitated with the waiter and was trying to roll out his order to a man who seemed more interested in the voice coming from his earpiece.  The girl with curly hair stood on her chair. On seeing this I asked DH to hold her because I felt worried about her safety. I turned my attention to the girl with straight hair who was on my knee, asking her if we could take her sister to the fishes. I heard a bang as the girl with curly hair fell from her chair onto the back of her head on the floor below. I ran round as she cried out, and picked her up. I lifted her into my arms and she lost consciousness. She came round, only to go sleepy and limp again a few seconds later. She woke up again and I went as quickly as I could to order a taxi.  DH came after paying for our drinks and we went to the local Bangkok hospital. I blame myself, because I know that my mother’s instinct is usually spot on, as soon as I don’t completely listen to myself… I just wish I had gone and picked her up to take her to the fish as soon as I saw her stand up ;-(

Because it was the King of Thailand’s birthday this week there is a 3-day weekend, so the usual busy weekends were even busier. The traffic to Hua Hin from where we were was almost at a stand still at points.  Luckily the girl with curly hair was wide awake by then, and describing the different food options she would like for dinner!

On arrival there, it is like something out of a dream. Everything is immaculate and bright, even the dress of the nurses and doctors.  We were seen within a few seconds of walking in – and soon the doctor came to us and reassured us that because she had not been sick, she would be okay.  She had an X-ray to make sure there was no fracture, and I was given an amazing heavy gown covered with birds and flowers to protect against the rays. The girl with curly hair was strong, and lay down on the bed, the bright light above her flashing over the blues of her eyes as she scowled slightly.  The X-ray was clear, so we were sent home with some painkiller incase she needed it and some advice slips.  The cost of the hospital treatment was less than the taxi there, and was quicker than even the whole experience of  waiting for and the GP appointment in the UK.   2 1/2 hours later, after the two taxi rides and the hospital experience we eventually had room service for dinner. Finally!

Travels in Dubai

Going back in time to Dubai, I wanted to share some of our experiences.  Unfortunately we were there for three days oly and I am sure we missed out on lots of amazing sights and experiences.

As soon as we landed in Dubai, we each carried a toddler on our back using our mai tei and wrap. Walking through the airport, a man ran up to us trying to give us two Emirates pushchairs, how he thought we could possibly push our 6 year old in our pushchair, plus the hand luggage trolley, plus our mini child’s case, and then pick up three suitcases I will never understand!  DH was then told my a staff member that the girl with straight hair would be more comfortable in a pushchair – not sure how she would know better than our daughter but I had to remind myself I was tired, irritable, and her thoughts were her responsibility not mine.

In the three days in Dubai we hardly saw any women or children until we walked through the mall.  I guess they are much more sensible than us, as we walked outside in the heat along the streets. Manyof the women I saw were very glamorous. I realy wanted to be respectful of the culture there, and I tried as much as I could – but it conflicted too much with how I want to parent.  Perhaps it was all down to my perceptions, and my fears, and my own fear of judgement, but I felt very pressured to control the children in our lives.  I felt very much at odds with myself! I was really happy when I saw another local woman wearing her baby, even if it was one of those uncomfortable Tomy carriers 😉

Our best experience in Dubai was at the mall where the aquarium and underwater zoo are located.  The aquarium is in the Guinness Book of Records because it has been made with the single biggest piece of perspex!  You look up the aquarium to the top and what must be 100 metres high is a faux sky filled with twinkling stars.

The aquarium itself isn’t that big, once you get inside it is a short tunnel, and then you have to travel up to the third floor to the underwater zoo and this was the cleanest, most well-kept zoos that we have seen.   There were a plethora of things to see – otters, fish, piranhas, African dwarf crocodiles, penguins, shark babies, lizards and chameleons of different colours among much else.

The girl with curly hair seemed to love the otters the most – watching them dart around through the water!  When we were at the aquarium, the divers came down to the front of the glass where we were stood so that they could “talk” with the children 😉

“Once we make a concerted effort to get out – and stay out – of our children’s way do we discover the wonderful truth: the magic is already in our children, ready to unfold in its own way  and its own time” Naomi Aldort, getting out of the way.