Roll up, roll up…

Since becoming a mother, I have felt a need to protect myself and create a cocoon around us of a like-minded support network. This need has been essential when faced with the reality that my instinctive parenting style generally flows against the masses.  Now that my twins are 3, my son 6, I feel ready to be in the real world again.   Or at least the world I have created in a more positive perspective?

As a teenager, I was friends with people I stereotyped as drugs dealers, football hooligans, some of my teenage friends were trying to get pregnant, I had womanising boyfriends and duplicitous friends – and life was full of fear and feelings of disapproval. When I went to university I realised that people exist in a different reality, and I moved away from the life I knew before. But with a fear of turning back.

My aha moment came in a life couching session, when it finally sunk in that to love and accept my children unconditionally, I have to accept myself. Not doing so led to me using all my energy to try and be a perfect person, then loosing energy and swooping down into immense self-disapproval, depression and rage, then looping up again – the crazy 8!  I now aim to forgive myself, and to understand that every strategy I so effectively developed to protect myself from pain, doesn’t serve me.

So I am now trusting people and opening up to all sorts of possibilities.  Everything that has happened up until now has been an amazing opportunity to learn and grow, and will allow me to help others. I now have friends from all corners of the world, from all walks of life.  While I want to protect my children, I have found that we can share our lives with all sorts of people as long as we continue to promote their personal growth; and ensure that they know and trust themselves.

Life is a lot of fun at the moment. I have my support through the democratic school, my safe place, and freedom to explore outside the community. Life is presently a delight!

Today we spent the afternoon at school lying in the library, before going downstairs to find a mum had set up a bean bag activity. So we sat making bean bags with whoever wished, the aroma of lavender oil floating around. I am now desperate to get an overlocker. Sergeant says I am getting far too nerdy in my interests 😉  Now home after realising we had forgot to have lunch, making (at their request) a Thai curry from scratch with fish balls and pizzas. The sun is hot, the breeze is turning into a stormy wind (woo hoo!)and we’re going to see the circus tonight.  It’s all good.

I had to include this picture as I was about to walk on the blanket when I luckily noticed someone having a nap!